LOVE
While moving freely in the air, the moth was silent; its course of flight
uncertain, but without hesitance - moving towards the light, or rather,
towards any light. It encompassed a strange duality of being both beautiful
and horrid. I watched its flickering movements as it reached the light bulb
hanging from an electric wire in the middle of the ceiling. It landed on the
burning hot glass, paused for less than a second, and took off again,
escaping the torment of the intense heat.
Foreseeing the predictable pattern of the insect's continuous advance and
retreat, which would eventually lead to its death, produced a somewhat
disturbing feeling in me - a mixture of gratification and pure horror, which
made me feel extremely uneasy, until I slowly convinced myself, through
internal dialog, that the life of this tiny creature, ultimately, was
unimportant.
With this realization, I felt clearly how my tensed muscles started to relax,
and how I ceased to hold my breath and breathed out, as though the polluted
thoughts were exhaled. Strangely enough, I was overpowered by a feeling of
regret, when the moth finally hit the floor and stopped moving all together.
I quickly got on my feet, turned off the light, and walked through the only
door in the room.
HATE
The bright light made me hold up my hand in order to block out the sun from
my view. A state of confusion set in as I realized that I was standing in
the middle of the freeway. Drivers in cars and trucks honked their horns in
pure surprise and agitation upon seeing me standing, naked, in the middle of
the road. Between the lanes was a thin, green stripe of grass and wild
flowers, and by a pure stroke of luck I made it there without getting hit by
vehicles passing me by at high speed.
I kneeled down and tried to catch my breath, but before I could fathom where
I was, I felt a sharp pain on my neck. When I turned around I was surprised
to find a little girl in a red dress, a bow in her hair, and a short but
heavy stick in her left hand. The look on her face was one of indifference.
She swung it again, only harder this time, and the shock of the impact of
the stick on my wrist, which I held up to protect my face, made me fall back
and scream loudly. Suddenly, several small children came running up the
stretch of grass. All of them had small, crude weapons which they swung at
me energetically. The pain was unbearable.
At this point my mind simply went into a sort of self-defence mode, and I
picked up the nearest child and threw him into the street, exclaiming a
heavy roar. A big white truck slammed on the breaks, but only too late, as
it went over the child with a soft *bump*. All the children froze and looked
at me with disbelief, as I sank to my knees with tears in my eyes, realizing
just what I had done. Then a rain of kicks and punches descended on me and I
let them do what they wanted. Losing consciousness, I laughed sarcastically;
knowing that, at any rate, they accepted me.
LOVE
As I regained consciousness all my thoughts started to centre around how
immensely dry my mouth felt. I tried to open my eyes, but I could not. Upon
touching my eyelids with my fingertips, I soon understood that my eyes were
stuck together as a result of some sort of infection. I stood up and became
aware of the sensation of warm sand under my bare feet.
After scratching my eyes for a minute or two, I managed to get them open. I
was surprised to find myself looking straight into the eyes of a beautiful
woman, standing right in front of me. She had long black hair and wore a
white semi-transparent dress, revealing an attractive figure. She smiled at
me; then she turned around and started walking away.
I seemed to be in some sort of desert. There was nothing except red sand as
far as the eye could see. I started running towards the woman asking her for
some water, but my lips were so dry that it was difficult to speak, and she
only laughed at me as she went on, almost floating on the sand. When I
caught up with her, I tried to grab her arm, but when I touched her she
instantly turned into pure water, which landed on the sand, leaving a wet
spot in the shape of her figure. I tried to scream, but my mouth was full of
sand, and I started coughing uncontrollably. The sun started to fade and as
night fell, I stumbled around in the darkness, screaming her name again and
again: "Water!.. Water!?".
HATE
When I woke up I still had a little sand in my mouth and I started spitting
in order to get it out. Then I got up and walked to the bathroom to have a
long, warm, shower. After that it was time to go to work. On my way to the
bus stop I saw a short Caucasian man with a black suit and a small bowler
hat. Upon passing him by, I looked over my shoulder to have another look at
him and at that moment his hat was blown off his head by the wind and landed
in a muddy pool. He started swearing and stomping his feet violently on the
ground.
The whole thing was so comical that I could not help turning towards him,
laughing out loud. The man stared at me with intense fixity and started
running towards me, leaving his hat behind. Surprised at his reaction I took
a few steps back, but he soon caught up with me. "Jerk-jerk-jerk!" he
screamed insistently. I started to try to apologize and explain myself, but
the man was simply unable to hear me, since he did not cease to rant away: "Jerk-jerk-jerk-jerk..".
I decided to try and walk away but the man followed me without ever pausing
his relentless ranting. He pursued me all the way to the bus stop, where two
elderly women were already waiting for the bus.
The man placed himself just beside me and continued screaming: "Jerk-jerk-jerk..".
I finally lost patience and pushed him away. He stumbled a little around and
fell to the ground, and then one of his legs literally broke off. From the
look of the half leg laying on the ground his legs were made of glass. I was
horrified but also secretly relieved that he would be unable to follow me
onto the bus. But then the two old ladies who had witnessed the whole thing
joined in on the man's ranting: "Jerk-jerk-jerk..". At this point I saw that
the old ladies' legs also were made of glass. I pushed both of them over,
and when they hit the ground their legs splintered into several pieces.
At this time the bus was pulling up and all the people inside the bus,
having witnessed what had just happened, tried to get off, while they all
screamed "Jerk-jerk-jerk-jerk...". However, when they took the last tall
step off the bus, the leg they put first broke off and they fell to the
ground, joining the chorus and starring intensely at me. There was glass
everywhere. More people soon came running, but their legs splintered upon
seeing me. I could feel my stomach turning and I pressed my hand against my
mouth as I started to run back. When I got home, I locked the door, and went
to hide under the bed covers.
LOVE
Having laid there for quite a long time, I heard a small voice from under
the bed: "Do you think a thought can survive on its own?" I lay there for a
while holding my breath; then the question was repeated: "I said, do you
think a thought can survive on its own!?". "Who's there?" I whispered
nervously. I gathered up all my courage and looked under the bed. I was
surprised to find a small teddy-bear. A shock went through me like an
electric spark, when I suddenly noticed that the small toy had large human
eyes. "What are you!?" I hissed hysterically. "We talked earlier about the
moth - remember?", the teddy-bear replied.
I stared at it for a while, still lying flat on my stomach with the upper
part of my body hanging over the edge of the bed. "I'm in pain you know..."
the teddy-bear eventually said. "I know." I said, to my own surprise. I
picked up the teddy-bear and lay it right in front of me on the bed. I
started making conversation: "I thought about your question... If I have a
thought and communicate it to you, then it is no longer my original thought,
but a flawed version, torn by language. I guess that every thought I have is
confined to my own mind and predestined to die within me. This is how it is
for everyone. That's kind of depressing isn't it?" I looked into the eyes of
the teddy-bear, but now there was nothing except two shiny sewn on buttons.
"I'll see you again soon" I whispered to the teddy-bear, as I gave it a hug
and tucked it in, also laying myself to sleep. I felt safe there in my bed
with my teddy-bear. And in the darkness I listened to the hum of the
refrigerator, imagining that it was humming just for me; humming me to sleep.
HATE & LOVE
I opened my eyes, finding myself in a completely white room, awaken by an
electric humming; only - not the one that had lulled me to sleep. This was
more of a buzzing, sizzling sound. It coincided with temporary black-outs,
where the single light bulb, which was hanging from an electric wire in the
ceiling, went out.
"Electro-shock... supposed to rehabilitate us - I hate it; it smells like
beef and burnt rubber". I turned to find out from where and by whom the
words had been uttered. On the wall was a large frameless mirror in the
shape of a square. Upon looking into it there was nothing unexpected to be
seen, except for that the room seemed to be completely black, when looking
in the mirror. The contrast between the white of the room I was in and the
black of the same room mirrored on the wall was striking. I viewed it from
all angles, getting none the wiser.
"What are you doing in there?" a voice said. I starred into the mirror but
there was nothing except the room, only in black. For a while I just stood
there motionlessly, staring. I was shocked when it occurred to me that the
room really was the only thing that was to be seen in the mirror. I myself
was not reflected. I looked down at my own body and to my horror I saw that
I was wearing a strait jacket. I ran to the door but there was no door
handle on the inside.
"That's right you're back from dreamy-weamy land." A taunting voice giggled.
It definitely came from the mirror. I staggered back to the mirror, and now
I saw my own reflection, only it was slightly pale-skinned and seemed to be
delayed by about half a second. I stood as close to the mirror as I possibly
could and starred at my own face. I was reflected properly but the room was
black.
Out of the black, the facial expression of my own reflection suddenly
changed to an aggressive hateful grin, and at the same time it reached out
its unbound hands through the mirror, screaming: "I hate you!". I could feel
its strong hands around my neck. "Die you bastard!". I fell hard to the
floor but was not hurt as the floor seemed to be covered by a soft material.
My reflection had now protruded the mirror completely and was sitting on top
of me. It tightened its grip on my throat screaming: "I don't wanna be here
no more - you hear me!?". Slowly the white room turned black, and as I was
swept in a blanket of darkness, I stroke the cheek of my reflection gently,
and with tears in my eyes I whispered to him: "Good-bye teddy…".
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